he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Randomize
