Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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