She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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