the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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