I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I checked into jail on foursquare
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
