one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
