What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
