Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
