Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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