Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize