Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
