party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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