kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
