is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
