Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I could make wine with my vomit
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
