I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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