Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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