i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
