It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
