help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize