How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
