after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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