i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
