you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
