do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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