so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I just got carded by a ten year old.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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