oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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