I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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