don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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