He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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