I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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