She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
