I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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