my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
