Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
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