I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
