idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
birth control should be required to get into college
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Randomize
