I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
