you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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