you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
