"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
