My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
