Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
