new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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