Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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