dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
do herpes really smell.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
