Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
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