I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
