you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
