Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
