Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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