R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
