Rock
Scissors
Fuck
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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