So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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