So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
