Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
