She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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