Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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