I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
