I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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