My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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