Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Is it because I queefed?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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