I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
