Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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