my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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