Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
