I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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