I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize