Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
