I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
