Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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