Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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